


If I Claim To Be a Wise Man

by dessertmeltdown



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dessertmeltdown/pseuds/dessertmeltdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU based on the TV show Supernatural.  Liam's girlfriend is killed, and he sets out for revenge, making some new friends along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Claim To Be a Wise Man

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Rach for the britpick and ohohstarryeyed for the beta and hand-holding and about a hundred read throughs.
> 
> I stuck a couple of names in there as a shout out to the series. Also, I don't really think you need to have a background knowledge of Supernatural to read this fic. Though, it could be read as being set in that basic universe.
> 
> I made Liam's girlfriend and OC because I felt uncomfortable killing a real girlfriend.

Liam slides his hand into his pocket and grips the small, velvet box tightly. He's nervous but excited. It's not like they've never talked about this before, and it's not like he really thinks she'll say no. It's just that somewhere inside there's this feeling in the pit of his gut that everything is about to go a bit wrong. Somewhere deep down he's worried that all of those late night conversations and make-shift plans were her way of humoring him. Maybe at the last minute she'll think no, no, I can't believe I ever wanted to marry this guy, this guy who at best may be foreman at an aeroplane factory someday, if he's lucky. No, Liam doesn't really think she'll say no, but there's a small part of him that worries all of his confidence is just too much. 

Every time he starts to bring the ring out, the waiter comes back. Liam waves him away. It's probably rude, but there's too much in his head right now. For once, Liam doesn't have time or patience to worry about good manners. The waiter walks away again, and Liam idly thinks that he should leave the guy a good tip. Liam slicks his hair back nervously. It falls right back into his eyes and he sighs.

“Are you alright?” Ava asks. “You've been acting strangely all night. Are you sick?” She laughs quietly. “You're not going to break up with me are you? Because I assure you, there was no reason to waste money on an expensive dinner if that were the case.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.” Liam can feel his palms sweating. He wipes them on his trousers and then pulls the box out of his pocket. He had written a speech in his head and repeated in all night last night until he had it memorized, and it had seemed an adequate enough proposal. The problem is, he can't remember it now and his words are trapped in his throat somewhere. He can't get them out. He sets the box down on the table in front of her and opens it. Her eyes go wide, and she looks like she tries to speak but she's having the same problem with words that he's been having.

“Liam,” she finally says. The ring isn't much, but she smiles and takes it out of the box. “Is this -” She chokes off and looks at him. “Because if it is -”  
“Of course it is,” Liam says. His heart feels like it's going to beat out of his chest. 

“Oh, you are so getting laid tonight,” she laughs and slips the ring on her finger. “Of course the answer is yes.” Liam is glad she knows him so well. His words still aren't coming out the way he needs them to. “You should get the bill now.” She grins, hooking her ankle around his under the table. He knows how lucky he is. 

He gets the bill and pays it as quickly as he can and then leads her outside. That's when everything goes wrong, when all of the bad feelings Liam's been having come to the surface. All of his instincts never could have prepared him for this.

It all happens too fast for Liam to react. They come out of the restaurant and turn down a side street to head home and suddenly they're being attacked. They're jumped from behind and someone grabs him, holding him back as another man grabs Ava. They're pulled into an alley off the street where it's dark and a bit out of the way. Ava's screaming, but no one is coming. They're too far away from the hustle and bustle of the street now. 

Liam's not the strongest person but the man is smaller than him. Liam knows he should be able to break free to save her, but he can't pull away. The man has too tight of a hold on him. He hears Ava screaming as she's dragged further into the alley, and he fights harder, until finally he manages to kick the man behind him in the shin; it just makes him hold Liam tighter. The man drags Liam back into the alley and whispers in his ear. “Just for that, you get to watch.” His voice is low and deep and raspy. It's barely human. A shiver moves down Liam's spine. He can't believe this is happening. This is something out of a film, not something that happens in real life. Liam tells himself it must be a dream, something his subconscious has pulled up as a worst case scenario – an unrealistic outcome. 

They get to the alley and the man pushes Liam's face into the bricks, forcing him to watch as they cut her open. It looks like they're draining her blood into some sort of jar; Liam's not sure why they would be doing that and he doesn't want to think very hard about it. Liam looks into her eyes, willing her to understand that he wants her to focus on him, not what they're doing. He wants to be the last thing she thinks about, not the pain. He hopes she knows how hard he's fighting to save her; he just can't get free. He can tell that she's suffering, and it breaks his heart and makes him want to hurt someone. The manthing holding him is too strong and he can't move. 

He can see the life drain out of her body and then they laugh. They _laugh_. Liam feels warm all over, and he wants to throw something or punch something or kill something. He wants to make them pay for what they've done. He almost feels strong enough to break free from the man's hold when he feels something hard and heavy hit the back of his head and everything goes dark and cold. 

When he wakes up, he's alone except for Ava's cold, lifeless body. They've left her lying in a pile of garbage at the end of the alley, as if to tell Liam how worthless she was to them. He makes his way over to her and pulls her into his lap, holding her. He would will himself to wake up, but he knows it's not a dream. 

Liam's never been the type to hold a grudge, but he won't be okay until he finds the people who did this.

* * * * *

It's six months later, and Liam's not the person that he was. He can barely remember that person at all now. He knows he's changed, knows that if he still spoke to his family they would tell him that he's a different person. They would, that is, if he hadn't left home a couple of weeks later. He'd gone back to the alley every night until he saw them again and followed them back to their lair – he would say home, but it wasn't a home. It was dark and dank, an awful place. He hadn't really known what he was going to find, and he hadn't expected what was waiting for them there.

He hadn't expected any of what's happened to him in the last six months. He still hasn't gotten the revenge that he so desperately wants. Once he gets that, he's sure he can go back to his life. It won't be the same without Ava, but maybe he'll be okay. 

He had followed the pack for a while, trying to find some weakness, but all he found was that he really hadn't known anything about the world or what was lurking in the dark. He managed to save a couple of girls from them and stop a couple of guys from ending up like him – bitter and angry and obsessed. It's a fate he wouldn't wish on anyone. It's lonely.

But other than that, he's just been waiting. He's been training himself on how to fight them, while finding other things to kill along the way. Somehow, stopping at the one he really wants doesn't seem like enough. He keeps thinking that maybe one day he'll kill a vampire or a demon or some other monster, and it will suddenly stop. He'll feel like it's been enough and he can go back home, go back to the factory, maybe meet a nice girl and have a family. Deep down he knows he won't rest until he finds _them_. The ones that made him this way in the first place.

He drops his bag down in the hotel room and goes to take a shower. It's not much, just a small room with dingy sheets and a lumpy pillow. The shower is barely big enough for him, and there's no tv or anything like that. He doesn't really need those things anymore, and this room is really all that he can afford. He's been living on savings for the last six months, and those are starting to dwindle away; he'll have to find a way to make some money. For a while his mum was putting money in his account. She never said, but she'd texted him a few times to check in and sometimes money would just appear. He assumed it was her. He feels a little better, at least knowing that she thinks he's alive. He doesn't want her to know what he's been doing, though. 

He's managed to track the demon pack that killed Ava to a little village near Crewe. This is the first inkling he's gotten in months. He's gotten past the blinding rage, though it's still there. But now, as much as he wants to hurt them and make them pay, he wants to ask them why. He heard them talking about a ritual once. He doesn't know what it was for, but he can't imagine it was for anything good. He doesn't care what their insane reasoning for killing people is though. He just wants to ask, why _them_. He wants to find out why Ava had to die; why not someone else, anyone else? Why not him? There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't know that if given the option, he would have gladly taken her place.

He doesn't expect to find it so easily when he does. He goes down the street to a pub. As stretched thin as he is on money, he still needs to eat and he's had enough of things that he can eat straight out of the bag. He gets a seat and kicks up his defenses as he always does when he's out in public. He glances around, finding the exits in case he needs them. He's there. The one that killed her is there, and he's chatting up some pretty girl in the corner. As far as Liam knows, this demon doesn't usually pick up single girls, but he still knows this can't be good. He balls his fists up at his side and tells himself he can't do it here, not inside this pub with witnesses. They don't realize that monsters exist and he doesn't want to be the one to show them. 

The worst thing about demons is how human they look. One of the reasons Liam's glad he hasn't stumbled upon a way to actually kill demons is that he knows he would jump at the chance to kill the one that killed her, and there's still a human inside somewhere. He's tried to find ways of making the demon suffer without making the human suffer, but today he doesn't care about that. He can hear his own voice somewhere telling him that that's wrong, that these people don't deserve to be hurt and that he's a good person. Liam pushes it down and just thinks about Ava. She didn't deserve to suffer and die at the hands of these bastards, but she did anyway. That's all that matters.

It leads the girl it's been flirting with outside and Liam can see a couple of its demonic friends go after them. He already knows what's going to happen to this girl. He almost feels bad that she doesn't have someone to watch out for her – not that he helped Ava much when it was her. He tries to comfort himself by telling himself that at least she didn't die alone. At least this way some other bloke won't end up like him. 

He follows them outside and when they have the girl pressed the ground. She's trying to scream for help but one of them is gagging her so that she can't make any sounds. Liam's running on adrenaline now. He wants to save this girl like he couldn't save Ava. “Hey!” He calls out. He feels tired but ready for a fight. “Why don't you pick on someone your own size?” He pulls the flask out of his pocket and uncaps it, tossing some holy water on the demon. It screams but recovers quickly and lunges at Liam.

Liam fights, but it's even stronger than Liam remembers. The fight doesn't go the way he planned at all. He's struggling but it's too strong. Adrenaline isn't helping at all, and he's struggling to even move when suddenly there's a bang in the alley and a shot tears through the demon's (human's) flesh. Liam curses whoever is there, whoever is trying to take this moment away from him – as horribly as it seems to be going. Someone pulls Liam back into the bar and he pulls and kicks at them. It wasn't supposed to go down like that. The gunshot won't even phase the demon, and Liam knows that right now the demon is regrouping. He's getting away and Liam is going to have to start all over again. 

“What _are_ you doing? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” The man holding him is smaller than he is, shorter and leaner, but still strong enough to hold Liam back when he's pulling away frantically. Liam can't help but notice his eyes. They're sad and tired and very very blue. It distracts Liam for just a moment, but then he remembers what's just happened and he starts fighting again.

“Let me go!” Liam struggles against the other man's arms, but it's as useless as struggling against the demon was. Liam feels weak. It's been a while since that's happened. “He's going to get away.”

Someone comes in from the alley, another man about the same age. He's taller and leaner still, and he looks exhausted. “He got away. I got in a good shot, though. It ought to slow him down.” He looks at Liam. “Trying to get yourself killed out there?” 

“Why did you stop me? I would have had him.” Liam could have killed it with his bare hands. He knows he could have. He just needed a bit more time alone with it. That's all. The shot will barely, if at all, slow him down, rock salt or not. “That shot won't even hurt him. Bullets don't do a thing to demons.”

“We don't use real bullets; they're rock--”

“Rocksalt, yes I know. Salt slows them down, but it doesn't _kill_ them.”

“You didn't even have a weapon at all.” The smaller guy, the one who dragged him back into the bar, slams a shot of whiskey down in front of him. “What were you going to do? Kill a demon with your bare hands?” He looks amused. “Sorry, mate. None of us can do that, much as we'd like to be able to. At least we had rocksalt.”

“I could try, and if I couldn't do that, I could sure as hell make it suffer,” Liam says. He pushes the shot away from him. “I don't drink, but thanks.” He doesn't mean the apology. He dislikes them already for taking away his right to rip that evil bastard limb from limb.

“What'd it do? Kill your dog?” The second guy pulls up a chair and sits across from him.

“You're not funny,” Liam says. He doesn't dislike them. He hates them, actually. Liam rarely hates people. He hates monsters. He hates demons. He never hates people, not until now. 

“Not trying to be. We all get started somehow. A vampire killed my sister,” he says. “I'm Zayn. Louis here joined me when his mum was killed by an angry spirit. So. Who'd he kill?”

Liam doesn't answer Zayn's question. In his eyes, this guy doesn't have any right to know about Ava. He lost that right when he let the thing get away. Liam doesn't care about Zayn's attempt to bond with him through shared pain. “I could have had him.” Liam knows he could have had him. He could have ended this.

“As I said before, what would you have done? You didn't even have a weapon on you.” Zayn downs the shot Liam had refused. “I see those muscular arms of yours, but I doubt you could actually have ripped the bloke's head off.”

Liam pulls a book from his back pocket. “Exorcism. I've been doing my research. I was going to send him back to hell where he belongs.” He doesn't mention that he was going to torture the hell out of the thing first.

“You might be smarter than you look,” Louis says. “That's not saying much, of course.” Liam gets the feeling that Louis is the type to lighten the mood. He doesn't really think this is the time for that. He just glares in Louis' direction. “Alright then. No humor here. Message received, loud and clear.” Louis pauses. “You weren't going to do it in that alley, you know. You mean to tell us you were going to get him out of that alley and into a closed off area where you could do an exorcism? You haven't thought this through.”

“I've got to go. Seeing as now he knows that I'm on his trail, I'll have to start over again in the morning, by which point he'll probably be long gone if he hasn't jumped bodies by now. Way to go. Thanks for your help.” Liam stands up and pushes his chair back. He gives them one last look before heading outside. He starts listing contacts in his head. He's going to have to make some phone calls and let people know he's back on the lookout. This will set him back, no doubt.

“Hey.” Louis comes outside and rests his hand on Liam's shoulder, causing Liam to jump. “You're better off with help, you know. We all start this alone, but it's easier together. Come with Zayn and me. Let us make up for losing him tonight.”

He shrugs the guy's hand off his shoulder. “I don't want or need your help. I've managed fine on my own. I could have had him tonight and ended this.” Somewhere deep inside Liam knows that would have been impossible, but he just wants this over with so he can stop being so _angry_. “Now I'm back at square one. That's where help is getting me. So thanks.”

“You're a bloody idiot, you know. He would have killed you long before you could have done that oh-so-clever exorcism, and if he hadn't one of his three demon mates would have. That's right, there were more, but you didn't pay mind to that.” Louis sighs. “We've all been where you are. Angry and alone and wanting nothing more than revenge. Whoever he killed, though? They're not worth your own life.”

“You have no idea what she's worth.” Liam could hit him for assuming anything about his situation. “She was worth everything, and I would take her place a million times over.”

“That's exactly the kind of thinking that's going to get you killed in this job – “

“It's not a job. It's just something I'm doing. Once I kill him, I'm out.”

“Right, of course.” Louis tugs on his arm. “Come with Zayn and me. We know someone with a home here. We can stay with him for the night, tomorrow we'll regroup and you can decide then.”

“I don't need anything from you. I have a place to stay already.” Liam can feel his resolve breaking. It's been months since he's slept in a bed where there haven't been lumps or strange smells in the mattress. It's been months since he's had a meal that wasn't from a corner shop or a pub. He doesn't wait for the guy to respond before turning to leave the pub.

* * * * *

The next morning he wakes up too early, before the sun even comes up. He gets dressed and checks out by the time the sun starts coming up. He wants to try and find the nest and get back to work. He can sleep more when he's done.

He steps into a shop to get a hot cup of tea and some biscuits. The guys from last night are there too, and Liam starts to run. He doesn't need this yet. He's got too much work to do to fight with them again, and he doesn't need their offers for help either.

“Hey!” Louis runs up to him and steps in front of the door. “You were an arse last night, just so you know.” He crosses his arms at his chest. “But I'll forgive you because I remember how it feels.” Liam doesn't respond. “I know you think you've got this, but let us help. I promise. It will be better with more eyes and more hands. Besides, we're itching for a job to do. Some maniac has been taking out all of our kills before we get there.” Louis looks at Liam like he knows that it's him, and Liam doesn't even think about apologizing. “I promise it's easier.”

“Fine, but if you stop me from killing the bas--”

Louis holds his hands up in a defensive mood. “Of course. No one will stop you, even if you get yourself killed. We'll just watch and stand back.” Louis nods. “Now, we're just taking breakfast back to our mate's house. You can stand to wait a couple of hours before you head out. You won't hear anything until nightfall anyway.”

Liam is tired of arguing, so he lets Zayn and Louis take him to their friends' home. Their friends' name is Harry, and he's not a hunter but he lends his space out to hunters in the area when they need shelter and food. Liam feels like there's a story there, but no one is elaborating and if Harry's anything like him, he doesn't want to talk about. There are pictures all over, him and another guy. The other guy is nowhere to be seen. Harry's laid back in friendly in a way that Liam hasn't seen in a while, not that Liam hasn't seen people much at all in a while; it's weird to be socializing again. He talks to other hunters, but usually just for information on a job or a tip on where to find the demon. He doesn't spend actual time with them.

“Where did you find this one?” Harry asks Louis. “It was your idea to keep him, I'm sure.” Liam busies himself making tea for himself, trying not to listen into their conversation. It's hard, though, when he knows that they're talking about him. “He looks a bit worse for wear.”

“He's new,” Louis says, glancing his way. There's pity in his eyes and it makes Liam's stomach twist up. He doesn't want or need anyone's pity. He just wants to be left alone to do his job. “Think he's avenging his girlfriend's death or something. We found him last night trying to clumsily kill some demon in an alley and then again this morning trying to half-arsed go after it with no plan” Liam drops his spoon on the bench harder than necessary to let them know he can hear them, so Louis turns into Harry and drags him into another room.

He idly wonders if something's going on there, not that it's his business. Not that he cares.

“He means well, you know.” Zayn pours himself a cup of coffee and starts drinking it down, black. Liam inwardly cringes. He's much more of a tea person. It almost makes him laugh, that even now he can consider the tea versus coffee debate. “Louis. He just thinks everyone can be saved. Me? I think we make our own fate. If you want to go after that demon, you're going to do it. You won't let some stranger with a big heart stop you.” He sits his cup down and hops up on the counter. “Wish you'd think about letting us help though. It's a tough job, especially on your own. Trust me, I know. I did it on my own for a while. You start to go a bit mad.”

“And what? Hop in the backseat of your car and go on adventures like some awkward film? I can handle it on my own.” Liam doesn't dislike Zayn as much as Louis. If he were still the old Liam, he could probably be friends with Zayn.

“Oh yes.” Zayn nods. “I see how well you're doing.”

Liam can't even finish his tea. He rests it in the sink. “I can handle it. Thanks for the pep talk, though. I'll keep it in mind.” Liam remembers when Zayn's dark eyes would have convinced him to at least listen. Sometimes he misses being wide-eyed and not knowing what was out there. He misses having Ava, and he misses not keeping his family away from him for fear that they might be killed.

Liam misses a lot of things about the way life was before that demon came along. He wonders where he'd be today – married, kids, working in the factory – maybe he would have taken that chance and auditioned for the X Factor. Maybe he would be happy.

No matter. He isn't happy, and he didn't do any of those things. She died, and Liam is here. This is his life and nothing can change that. He certainly can't join up with a couple of guys and pretend to be mates.

“I'm going to go do some research,” Liam says. He shoulders his bag and goes into the lounge, ending any further conversation. 

* * * * * 

Liam wakes up to bright sunlight pouring in from the window. He doesn't even remember falling asleep. He definitely doesn't remember it becoming night, let alone the next morning. There's a tray of food by the bed – a full breakfast with tea and juice. It takes him a moment to realize where he is.

“Right,” he says to himself, pushing up on his forearms. He downs the tea, though it's had time to get cold, and makes his way back downstairs. Louis and Harry are sitting opposite Zayn and the three of them are speaking in hushed whispers. Liam assumes they must be talking about him because the second that they notice he's there they all turn to him and get eerily quiet. Louis looks at him, questions lingering in his eyes.

“Are we going to get a move on or what?” Liam asks. At that moment, it seems the thing to do. “We've already lost an entire day.” He wants to ask why they let him sleep like that, but somewhere inside the Old Liam tells him that he feels much better now than he has in months.

* * * * * 

A week later they do their first job as a team. Liam isn't used to working with others, and it's instinct just to run into the building and try to save the girl. It seems like a good idea when he does it, but he feels something hard and heavy hit the back of his head while he's untying her. He doesn't have time to react before everything goes dark and he hears the faint voice calling his name from across the room.

When he comes to, he's in the backseat with his head pillowed on Louis' thigh and Louis' fingers are pressed into this hair, massaging his scalp. It feels so nice, he almost forgets that he almost screwed up their whole goal. He can hear Zayn speaking softly in the front seat and then a girl responds. That means they saved her, even though he screwed up.

He almost manages to smile before he passes out again.

* * * * * 

Three Months Later

* * * * * 

Zayn comes back to their hotel room one night, a steely look in his eye and says, “We’re going to America.” He doesn't offer up an explanation, but later that night after he goes to sleep, Louis and Liam stay up talking.

“It's them,” Louis says. “He's always searching for them – the ones that killed his sister. The trail went cold months ago; they seemed to disappear into thin air.” 

“Why America though?”

“Bigger packs there, more people.” Louis shrugs. “Who knows, but if Zayn wants to go there, if he could find them - “

“What about me?” Liam feels a wave of guilt for even asking – he feels selfish and sorry, but he's just – he has a reason for being here too.

“It's not forever.” Louis gives him a warning look, one that tells him to just stop, and Liam knows that he shouldn't ignore it. “Zayn's been dealing a lot longer than you have. He deserves to find them.”

Liam nods and doesn't argue again. He goes to sleep listening to Louis change the subject onto his sisters, who he hasn't seen in years but still text him sometimes.

* * * * *

The three of them ended up in America somewhere around a month ago. They were on the trail of this pack of vampires and the next thing he know, Liam was being dragged onto a plane. A contact had told Zayn where to go. Zayn seems to have a lot of contacts, and Louis has even more. Liam had a few before he met them, but Liam and Zayn seem to already know all of them, so he hasn't brought much to the table. They know more people and more information than he ever could. He'll never say it out loud, but he thinks the best thing that's happened since Ava died was Louis talking him into joining them.

Louis fights going but when they get there they find that demons and vampires aren't the only monsters to fight. Everything they've ever heard about but never encountered – they come across them in America. More land to cover translates to more evil, apparently. Liam feels like it won't ever end.

Even after they got that vampire pack, they just stayed. On top of finding more to hunt and more odd jobs to make it by, they also found staying under the radar much easier in America. The only part that bothers Liam, is that he's completely lost track of the demon that killed Ava. Sometimes he feels like he's lost track of what he was meant to be doing in the first place.

The scariest thing to Liam, is that sometimes he doesn't care. Sometimes it's just nice to have Zayn and Louis and something to fight. He likes having mates, and some days it feels like they're just on some random roadtrip, like they're just young blokes having a good time. Liam likes those days.

* * * * *

“Do you reckon we can stay here a couple of days?” Zayn falls back onto the bed. “I like this place. It's quiet.”

“Yes, quiet. Except for the evil coven of witches wreaking havoc all over their neighbors.” Louis rests on the the other bed. Liam knows he wasn't fast enough again. He always lands himself in the floor. He could share with Zayn, but Zayn steals the blankets. He can't share with Louis. Because, well, things are always weird between him and Louis. Either because they're fighting or they're not speaking because Louis has once again stopped him from doing something that seems so right at the time. Generally, Liam wakes up to realize that Louis was right, but somehow realizing Louis was right just makes him angrier. Louis has an annoying knack for being right.

And the times when they're not fighting it’s just ...awkward. Liam can't place it, and he doesn't like to think too hard about it. There are other things to worry about besides Louis' very _very_ blue eyes.

“Technicality,” Zayn says. “Besides, they're gone now. Did that job right.” 

“Still, poor Liam got the shit kicked out of him by one of those crazy women. Didn't you, Liam?” It's near dark, and Liam's already stretched out in the floor, back hurting from a long day and eyes heavy from not enough sleep. “Liam, are you ignoring me? I do believe he's ignoring me.”

“When doesn't he ignore you?” Zayn asks. “Fairly certain he only sticks around because he's secretly in love with me.” He can hear the smirk on Zayn's face. 

“Oh, shut up, both of you.” Liam kicks at Louis' bed, turning to hit Zayn's with his pillow. “You're starting to make me cranky.”

“Anything but that,” Louis says, amusement in his voice. “Go on then, princess. Get your beauty rest.” Louis is so obnoxious. Liam hates him.

Liam covers his face up and sighs. Sometimes he wonders how he ended up here. He doesn't like to think too hard about that though because the alternative is worse.

* * * * * 

In Florida they come across a djinn. Liam always thought of genies like he saw them in Disney movies. After a few hours in the library with Louis, Liam finds out they're much more sinister. They don't just grant wishes, they drain a person's life out while they do so, and there are a lot of people in this town that have gone missing in the last year. 

They track it to a warehouse, and Liam can hear a girl screaming. He isn't careful enough, and he's in a particularly restless mood. Zayn and Louis aren't fast enough for him.

He falls asleep in a dank, dark warehouse and wakes up in the apartment he used to share with Ava. She's sleeping soundly and there's a picture by the bedside table of their wedding day. Liam is scared. He jumps out of bed and reaches for his phone to call Zayn or Louis or Harry or anyone that they've met along the way, but the numbers aren't there.

He's about to call his mum and ask what day it is when he spots the baby monitor sitting on the dresser. The _baby monitor_. It's everything Old Liam ever wanted, and it's everything that this Liam knows has been taken away from him. He's lost hope in having any of these things, but here they are. They're here, and he wants to stay.

He doesn't know Zayn or Louis. He hasn't killed any monsters or saved any lives. But he has Ava. On the surface, it seems like a fair trade off. Louis and Zayn for Ava, for dinner with his parents and sisters every Sunday, and for a normal job and life. 

He hears a baby crying through the monitor and he goes to the baby's room. He's nervous and excited. He knows this can't be really; he knows what he's been through and that she's not really here. He still picks her up and smiles at her. “Hey, baby.” He rocks her a little. “What's your name?” There's a pillow with the name Samantha stitched onto it. “Samantha, huh? What a pretty name. Pretty like you.” The baby smiles up at him, and Liam feels like he can do _anything_. He has his wife and a baby, and this is his life. He wants to wrap up in a blanket with both of them and stay here forever. Who needs monsters and darkness and hunting when he can have all of this? 

He sings Samantha back to sleep and lies her down before padding back into the bedroom and getting into bed. He pulls Ava close and holds her tight, never wanting to let go. He could stay here forever, and after a lot of thinking, he decides that he might. This is the life he always wanted. Maybe they were wrong about the djinn. If it gave him his family back, it can't be all that bad, can it?

He makes it a point to see his mum in the morning. She acts like he's gone a bit mental because he asks a lot of questions about his sisters and his dad that he should probably know the answer to. He acts like he hasn't seen her for ages because he hasn't, not in real life, even if this Liam, the Liam in this life, sees them a couple of times a week. He promises to bring Ava and Samantha over for dinner in a few days before he leaves.

After he leaves his parents he makes reservations for he and Ava at one of the nicest restaurants in the city for the next night. He's going to do everything right now that he has a second chance. He wants to surprise her. After making reservations he goes out to buy her a nice gift. He's not sure how much money he has or even what bank he uses. There are some cards in his wallet, so he uses those. This is his dream world, his greatest wish, so he hopes that he will have enough money to cover everything. 

He doesn't even know where he's working now, but he hopes they won't mind him missing a day or two. Maybe he could claim memory loss, as it's not technically a lie. He could stay here for dinner. He wants to stay here forever, and he's slowly convincing himself that he can and should. He thinks about all of the things he's been through, and he thinks that now he can forget it. The Liam he is right now never had to kill anything.

Liam's ready to live his life as he was always meant to – his life away from monsters and constant death, when it all comes crashing down on him and he's cruelly reminded that this was never meant to be his life. He was never going to have this.

He sees this little girl– maybe thirteen or fourteen – she looks like a ghost, but not like a ghost all the same. Her hair is wet and her eyes dark and sunken in. Liam sees her once as he walks outside to get the paper, and he ignores her. When he goes inside he sees a story on the news about the anniversary of a little boy's disappearance. He'd saved that little boy from a vampire with a particularly sadistic streak and taste for young children. He'd saved him, but he wasn't there and a little boy is dead. In this world, everyone that he had saved is dead.

He pulls out his phone to call Louis, but Louis' phone is dead. He tries Zayn's, and someone answers the phone – Harry, maybe, and calls him cruel. Zayn and Louis are dead. He does some research and finds out they were killed by the very same vampire pack they came to America to stop. Liam could have been there if he hadn't wished that life away. He could have saved them, could have saved _Louis_. He tries not to think about how the idea of Louis being dead punches him in the gut and makes him feel hopeless and sad – almost as sad as when he lost Ava. It makes him want to find the ones that killed Louis and hunt them down, like he's hunting down the ones that killed her. It's complicated and a little scary.

He sees the little girl again in his daughter's room and again at the restaurant. He keeps seeing her, and each time she looks worse and worse. It's making him nervous. He wants this life. He doesn't want to leave it. He wants his wife and his daughter and his family. 

He can't lie to himself anymore. He can't have them. This isn't real. He finds a silver knife – he's not sure if silver will kill a djinn, but silver is usually the way to go, and he kisses his wife on the forehead as she sleeps. He goes to tell his daughter goodbye, he calls his mum, and he leaves. He goes to the factory where they tracked the djinn.

Ava is there. She's standing in front of him, and he sobs, unlike he's ever sobbed before. It's a strained sounds, painful and empty. “Liam, are you leaving us?” She looks devasted; she's been crying. “How can you do this? What will we do without you? We have the perfect life.”

A little girl appears from behind her legs. “Daddy? Don't you want to see me grow up?”

Liam can't handle this. He's going to say yes. He doesn't want to leave them, and he wants to see her grow up. He doesn't want to go. He doesn't have to go. Not this time. This time he can win. He can have the life he was always supposed to have, not the life that he's gotten stuck into. He doesn't need Zayn or Louis. _That's a lie._ He hears himself say. 

He's just about to go with them when he feels a sharp pain in his back and everything goes black.

* * * * * 

When he comes to, the first thing he sees is Louis cutting him down. He tumbles and falls as Zayn stabs the djinn behind them. He can't walk, but Louis gives carrying him his best effort. 

Later, in the hotel, Louis agrees to share the bed with him this time. Zayn is asleep, soundly, and Louis asks, “So, anything in the world – what did you wish for?” Louis isn't looking at him. 

“Ava, to have a normal life,” Liam says. “But normal wasn't quite what I remembered, and it was fun to play for a while but after a couple of days I realized something when I woke up.”

“What's that?” 

“That's not me anymore.” Liam rolls up onto his back. It feels like a lie. The whole time he was there it felt like him. Now that he's back though, he's not sure. The only time it felt wrong was when Louis and Zayn weren't there. He doesn't know how to say that. “I couldn't have a normal job or dinner with my parents on Sundays. Ava wouldn't want to marry the person I am now. The thing is? I'm not sure that actually bothers me anymore.” He nods to himself. “This is who I am now.” It's not who he wants to be, but he's who he is. 

“Liam.” There's something that Liam can't quite place in Louis' voice – something far away and softer than Liam is used to. “Say whatever you want, but no one was meant for this.” Louis shifts a little closer. “We do it because we were pushed into it and because we're bitter and angry and out for revenge. It's not as noble as we make it seem. Glad you're back with us though.” There's a slight pause and then he reaches out to twist Liam's nipple. “Now get some sleep.”

Liam doesn't know how to respond, and he doesn't want to sleep, but he's learned how to pretend.

* * * * *

A couple of nights later, Liam wakes up to Louis pouring cold water on his face. He wipes at his eyes and shakes his head a little, pushing up onto his elbows. “What was that for?”

“You were talking in your sleep, mate.” Louis sits on his torso and smiles a little. Liam thinks in another life it would be more of a grin. “Called out my name a few times too. I hope it was a good dream.”

“Not really. I think it was about the djinn.” Liam frowns. “I just can't stop thinking about it.”

“Miss it?” Louis plays with the hem on his shirt and averts Liam's eyes. “I can only imagine what you wished for. I'm guessing it was her, yeah? Get out of this life, never know us or the life we lead. Can't say I blame you. I'd probably wish for the same thing.”

“I did, but.” He sighs, covering his eyes with his hands. “It wasn't really what I thought it would be. It was nice, you know. For a while it was nice, and then everything went wrong.” He drops his voice to a whisper. “You were dead.”

“Oh.” Louis tugs at his hands and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes the way Liam wishes it would sometimes. “Hey, that's good, mate. You didn't need me there. You had Ava. No use for a fellow demon hunter in a world where you're not hunting demons, right?”

“I guess. It just felt wrong, that's all. It wasn't right you not being there.” Liam feels like maybe he's said too much. “I think I'm going back to sleep. Could you do something about your arse being on my chest?”

Louis doesn't argue, just slides off of him and lies in beside him. Liam remembers him agreeing to share with Zayn earlier, but when Louis doesn't go back to Zayn's bed, Liam doesn't argue.

* * * * *

 

Somewhere in New York something happens. They get a package, though it has no name on it. There's a knife inside and a note that says _the only thing that can kill a demon. use it wisely._ They have no idea who it's from, but they try it on the next demon they run into and it works. 

The next day they get a lead on the demon that killed Ava.

It's less than two hours away.

* * * * *

“I'm telling you, Liam, this knife doesn't exist.” Louis is in the passenger seat holding the knife. He's doing every test he knows to check it's not somehow a trap. “It's a trap. It has to be a trap.”

“So what if it is.” Liam is aware he's not minding the speed limit. He doesn't care. He just wants this over. He wants it done. He wants all of this to just stop. Maybe he can go home; maybe he can talk Louis into sitting still for a while, and he can talk Zayn into hanging back too. They don't have to do this forever. This could end it. Zayn's fought his demons, and now it's Liam's turn.

“So what if you get us killed?” Zayn says from the backseat, bored. “This is the stupidest thing you've ever done.”

“What if you get _yourself_ killed, Liam? What do you expect me to do? Who am I going to bother all the time and wake up in the middle of the night? You need to stop and think this through. You need to not do this.”

“I have.” He drives faster.

* * * * *

Louis thinks it's a trap, and Liam's not sure Zayn doesn't feel the same. He's not saying much, but he keeps looking at Liam like he's worried. Liam doesn't care. He has to do this. He can kill it, and he can end everything he's feeling. He can go back to his normal life and his family. Sure, he'll have to say goodbye to Louis and Zayn, but he tells himself this was never going to be a long term lifestyle for him. It was temporary.

It's temporary, and it's going to end tonight. He's going to end it and have a normal life. 

They get to the den, and Louis and Zayn make no move to get out of the car. They're speaking in hushed tones, and Liam can't quite make out what they're saying. He knows it's about him, but he doesn't really care. They can worry all they like. Liam knows what he's doing. He's gotten rid of demons before. He's fought all sorts of monsters. He can do this.

Liam can't wait for them any longer. He pushes his way out of the car and grips the knife in his hands. He can do this on his own if they don't want to help him. He hears a strangled cry from Louis as he runs towards the warehouse, but he just keeps running. He has to do this now. He has to make it stop.

Somewhere in the back of his head he knows it's a bad idea, but he barges in without making himself known. It's funny, but in the back of his mind he can hear his mum telling him it's impolite to go into a room without knocking. They didn't give him any warning, so why should he them? It doesn't dawn on him that he's outnumbered until he's inside. 

It doesn't matter. If he goes down, he's taking as many of them down with him as he can, starting with the one who stuck that knife into Ava's stomach. He just starts slashing the knife and stabbing it as they attack. They seem surprised that he has the knife, and he counts that as a win. At least they hadn't seen that coming.

He can hear fighting behind him and realizes that Zayn and Louis have come in after him. He moves in to stab one of the demons, a blond who speaks to him with an Irish accent. He feels someone grip his arm behind him and turns to punch the guy away when he realizes it's Zayn. “Don't. Not him.” He's looking at the demon like he's seen a ghost. “Not him.”

Liam pulls back away. “He's a demon.”

“He's a person, and I know him.” Louis grabs the demon from behind and wraps a holy water infused rope around him. “Louis, get him out to the car. I've got it in here.” 

The demon fights at the ropes as Louis struggles to get him outside. He starts whispering into the demons ear, and almost immediately a stream of black smoke shoots out of the man and he collapses into Louis' arms. Louis lifts him up more fully and gets him into the car.

Someone kicks Liam in the gut and he doubles back. He's too shocked to fight back. The demon kicks his legs out from under him. Once he gets his ground he recognizes the guy. It's him. It's the one who was there that night. It's the leader. He kicks Liam's ribs and Liam wants to fight but he needs to ask – needs to know. “Why?” He forces out the word, sobbing out a breath. It hurts.

The demon laughs. “Why? Why am I going to kill you? Because it's fun.” He laughs and kicks Liam again. He can almost feel the bruises forming on his ribs. It hurts. 

“Why her?” Liam coughs. If this is the end, at least maybe he'll find out why before he goes. If Louis is right and this was a death wish, at least he got to face the guy one last time. At least he had a chance. At least he's done.

“Why your precious Ava? Oh yeah, I remember her. She was quite fit.” The demon smirks, “Almost kept her for myself. She would have made a nice body.” The demon hums, “Why did I pick her? Because I could. Because she was there.” He laughs out loud, spitting it out at Liam like it's still fun, like the memory is fond and happy. “And now you've found me. I usually don't care about the men, you know.” The demon walks a circle around him. Liam can hear Zayn fighting in the background. “But you came after me. You decided to keep this going, and now killing you will be my greatest victory. But if you think it will be quick think again. No. I'm going to have fun with you.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the engagement ring. “Remember this? I kept it for some reason. Didn't know why until you realized you were coming after me. Then I realized it was fate.” 

That does it for Liam. He can't just lie there and take this. He uses the strength he can muster up and kicks the demon's legs out from under him, reaching for the knife. He can do it. He can end it. 

And he does. He crawls over to where the demon is lying and plunges the knife into his gut. The demon looks shocked and then he's gone. He collapses on the ground, dead. Liam should feel relief. He should feel pride.

He feels empty.

He just feels nothing. Ava is still gone. He's just killed another demon in a long line of demons, and there will always be more. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks _they were all people, and i've killed them_.

He's going to be sick. Someone lifts him up, and he hears Zayn's voice telling him that it's okay; it's going to be to be okay. He's led to the car and then he passes out from pain and exhaustion.

* * * * *

Liam wakes up in bed. His whole body hurts, and he still feels sick. He can see Louis on the other bed. He's awake, staring over at Liam with concerned eyes. “I was starting to worry you weren't going to wake up. It's been nearly fourteen hours.” 

Liam pushes himself up on his palms and lets out a frustrated grumble. “Why didn't you wake me up?”

“You seemed to need the rest.” Louis pauses. “What you did yesterday was stupid. You could have gotten us killed.” His voice goes a little softer. “You could have gotten yourself killed. And for what? Some ridiculous revenge plot? How do you feel? Do you feel better? Does killing that thing take away everything you've felt?” Liam doesn't know what to say. No, he doesn't feel better. No, the hurt and anger is definitely still there. No. He just doesn't say anything. Not that it matters what Louis think. It doesn't matter. He can probably convince himself that it doesn't matter. “No, that's what I thought,” Louis says. “You're such an idiot, Liam Payne. You're lucky we didn't leave you there to die because we could have. We really could have.” Liam doesn't really think they would have. Louis sounds too soft, too fond.

“I know you could have. Thanks for not doing that. I appreciate it.” Liam sighs and rolls onto his back. He can look at Louis looking at him with anger and pity. There's something else there too, but Liam doesn't want to think about it. Liam _can't_ think about it because it's too much. It's just way too much. Today wasn't supposed to end like this. He was supposed to feel better.

He hears Louis sigh and then Louis is lying down flat next to him, resting his head on Liam's shoulder. This is new. They've slept in the same bed before, sure, but it's never felt this close or comfortable. Liam is in so much pain, but it doesn't matter somehow, with Louis' body warm and solid against his. “What are you thinking about?” There it is. Pity again, and Liam can't _handle_ it. It's better now. It should be better now, and no one should pity him because that _thing_ is dead. 

And shouldn't that be enough to make him less angry?

“I thought it would feel different,” Liam says. He slips under the covers, sliding a hand under the pillow to make sure his knife is there. He wishes he could remember a time, really remember it, when he didn't sleep with a knife under his pillow to feel safe. He wishes that sending that thing back to hell had lifted this cloud of anger and resentment that's followed him since Ava died. 

“What? You thought you'd just stop being angry?” Louis laughs to himself, bitterly. “Yeah, well. If only it worked that way.” He stands again, pacing the length between the beds. “It doesn't go away. Maybe if we had dealt with it to begin with but instead we went after revenge. We ended up here. You need to find a way to deal with that. Preferably in the future a way that isn't a cock up plan to get us all killed.” He can't handle Louis' mood swing, and everything hurts a little more without Louis lying against him. Liam wants it to _stop_. He just wants to stop being so angry and bitter. He wants to go home.

“I was here to kill that thing, and I have. I should be – “

“Better? After all that you've seen? After all that you've done now? We'll never be the way we were. I'll never be a fifteen year old drama student. Zayn will never be a seventeen year old goofball masquerading as a bad boy. You're never going to be mummy's little boy bound for the factory. We're hunters now. This isn't just what we do to get by. This isn't just vengeance. This is who we are, and most of all we depend on each other. You really screwed up today.”

Liam doesn't have a response. “I'm sorry.” He can feel the words get caught up in his throat, and he feels like he might cry. He doesn't know what else to say. This isn't who he wants to be. He doesn't want to sleep with weapons or kill things. He doesn't want Zayn and Louis' well-being on his shoulders. Except, deep down, Liam knows that's not true. It's not that he doesn't want those things. It's more that he doesn't want to want those things. He doesn't want to know that this is his life. He doesn't want to know that going back to a normal life means losing Louis and Zayn, and everything about that makes him scared.

“You should be.” There's a heavy pause and then Louis lies down next to him again, pressing close. “You're an idiot, Liam. You're lucky that we're used to it and know you can't do anything to help it.” He sighs. “Go back to sleep. You should go back to sleep. We both should.”

Liam doesn't want to argue so he pretends to follow Louis to sleep.

He waits until Louis is asleep and sneaks out. It's either late or early, depending on how a person looks at it. He doesn't go far, just to this little diner he remembers seeing up the road. He walks there, which is probably dangerous this late at night, but he does it anyway, tired of thinking about what would happen if a demon or vampire or something else found him. He feels liberated to be alone, and he feels better without Louis staring at him in anger as he was earlier tonight. He slides into a booth and orders a tea because even though he drink coffee more frequently now, tea makes him think of home and his mum and his life before all of this.

The life he should be living now. The problem is, after everything today, after killing the demon and getting his revenge, he doesn't really want to go home. He should want to go home now. He should be done with this life like he always said he would be at the end of all this, but he's not. He wants to stay and keep fighting. He's still so angry.

He shouldn't be angry anymore.

Something inside tells him that he should get up and go. He left that cheap motel because he wants out of this life. He could just walk away and never think about any of this again. He's accomplished what he had set out to do. Except he thinks about Zayn and Louis. He thinks about all of the people that he's saved and all of the people that he hasn't.

He finishes his tea, drops some money on a table, and he goes back to the hotel, safe and sound before Louis wakes up. He knows now that Louis was right. He can fight it if he wants, but Louis was right before. This isn't a job or revenge plot. This is who he is now. He's going to have to deal with that. 

* * * * *

When Louis wakes up, Liam still hasn't slept. He supposed he had had too much the night before. Aside from that, he just can't shut his brain down. The tea probably hadn't helped. Louis offers up a hug because he says Liam looks like he could use one, and he's sorry for the way he treated Liam the night before.

“You know you just scared me. I've never seen you go that far,” Louis says. His voice is thin and tired, and it makes Liam feel guilty. Louis never sounds like that.

“It was him. I did what I had to do,” Liam says, and he means it.

“Yeah, and I get that. Part of me knows that if I were in your shoes I'd have done the same thing, but we all could have died. _You_ could have died.” He drops off there, but Liam feels like there was meant to be more to that statement. It feels heavy. “Let's go. We have to make sure Zayn and Niall are awake.”

“Who's Niall?” 

“The bloke we saved yesterday, the one you almost killed.” Louis sounds wound tight and Liam wants to make it stop. “We know him – knew him. He disappeared a while ago. You remember Harry? They're – they were – together, for a long time. Harry wasn't like us, though. He knew Niall was alive and refused to leave home, just in case he found his way back. That's why he helps hunters like us. He understands what we're going through, even if he doesn't fight the way we do. Zayn and I were convinced Niall was dead. Until - “

“Until yesterday,” Liam says. “And I almost – Have you told Harry yet?”

“Zayn called him last night. He said he was booking the first flight. Niall's freaking out a bit. It's weird. He used to be so calm. I remember him being the one who just ...didn't really worry much, but now.” Liam doesn't ask how Louis knows that, but he reckons Louis knew Harry before all of this. It's the only explanation. “Who knows what that thing did in his skin. It must be torment.” 

Liam can't imagine it. Suddenly he's glad all they did to Ava was kill her. He's not sure the alternative is better than that. He might have had her back some day, but the things she would have to live with would be unbearable.

“Do you think he'll be okay?” Liam asks.

“Do you think you'd be okay?” Louis shrugs. “I don't know. You've seen what that lot do. He's lucky to be alive. Or not so lucky, depending how you look at it. Harry will come though, and they'll be together. That's more than any of us will ever have.” 

And that's just it, the answer to the question. Liam's fought and fought, and nothing will come of it. It's just fighting a battle that won't end. He won't get Ava back. 

* * * * *

Harry shows up a few hours later. They're all piled in Louis and Liam's room, with Zayn and Louis talking to Niall, trying to make him feel better. Liam feels awkward, partially because he doesn't know Niall and doesn't feel confident in making him feel better but also because he had almost stabbed Niall in the heart yesterday. While Niall might have understood the need to kill the demon, it's making it difficult for Liam to look him in the eye.

There's a knock on the door and everyone goes silent. “I'll get it,” Liam says. He opens the door, and it's almost like time in the room stands still. 

Harry just stands there staring at Niall for the longest time, and Liam can't imagine what it must be like for him. If he walked into a room and saw Ava it would stop time. It would stop everything. He doesn't know about their history, but he knows what they must be feeling. 

Niall stands and stares at Harry. No one is breathing. You could hear a pin fall on the floor. It's every cliché moment in ever dramatic romance film ever made. Harry and Niall walk towards each other and wrap around each other in a tight hug. Liam feels like he shouldn't be seeing this. It feels intimate. Harry whispers to Niall.

Louis taps Liam on the shoulder and nods towards the door. He and Zayn tug Liam out of the room, leaving Harry and Niall to reconcile. 

* * * * *

Zayn and Louis take the beds, even though Liam is still hurting from the night before. It's not like he's not used to sleeping on the floor with injuries, though, so he doesn't want to argue. They got there first fair and square.

“Liam, are you coming?” Louis pulls the blanket back for him. “There's plenty of room.” Liam isn't used to the offer, but he slides into the bed nonetheless. “We should share. I don't know why I make you sleep in the floor so often. It's unfair.”

“It's fine,” Liam says. “I'm used to it, really.”

“That's my point.” He slides a little closer to Liam. “Are you leaving now?”

“What?”

“The way you've been acting the last couple of days. I don't know. Are you leaving? Done with the life or whatever? Because, well, I don't know. I don't think you should. This isn't bad, is it? Not really? You're always so miserable, but – it's not so bad.”

Liam wants to list all of the reasons that it is so bad. He wants to tell Louis how he's only here out of anger and bitterness, but he doesn't. The way Louis is looking at him cuts him off and keeps quiet. He sighs a little and shrugs. “Go to sleep, okay?”

“Just – okay. You too, though.” Louis closes his eyes, and Liam watches and waits for Louis to sleep before he even tries to do so himself.

* * * * *

The next day they all pile into the car together. They're all anxious and itching to get out of this town. Harry and Niall press as close as they can in the backseat. Zayn sits in the backseat with them, and he keeps asking if they're okay. 

Liam is in the passenger side next to Louis. They have no idea where they're going but they have to go somewhere. They don't have any whispers, no jobs to run to, but they're driving. No one is saying anything, except for Zayn, to Harry, just to make sure they don't need anything. 

Louis turns on the radio, spinning the dial to something mindless that they all know, something that can take their minds off of everything for three minutes as it plays. Louis looks over at Liam and smiles, and it shakes him a little. It's a soft smile, a smile he hasn't seen in a long time, if ever. It's definitely never reserved for him, and he's not sure what it makes him feel, but it makes him feel something.

He's not sure what Louis ever makes him feel anymore.

* * * * *

The five of them just finished killing a werewolf in Boston. This is the first time in all of this that Liam's really felt like maybe this is where he's supposed to be, with these four boys. He knows it's a little silly and that it won't last forever. He's already noticing that Harry is getting restless and that Niall is weak around the edges. They won't last long, but right now it's the five of them and they're feeling high on adrenaline and tired but okay. They're alive.

Niall is resting against Harry across from Louis and Liam. Zayn has a chair pulled up to the table at the end. They've all got coffees and empty plates in front of them. 

“So this is what you lot do all the time? You travel around and kill things?” Niall tears at a napkin, pressing against Harry. “Must be tough.”

“It's alright,” Zayn says. “We get by.”

“Doesn't seem like much of a life,” Harry says. “No wonder you stop by mine so often.” He pulls Niall just a little bit closer. Liam notices little things like that all the time – it's like they can't get close enough to each other after all this time apart. 

Liam wonders if it would be like that for he and Ava if they found each other again – not that that's ever going to happen. Not that it could. Maybe he'll find someone else some day and settle in the way Niall and Harry have a rhythm with each other.

He feels Louis poke his side, and Liam grabs his hand, pushing it away. He turns his head to look at Louis, who's grinning back at him like he's not done anything. Liam laughs and drapes his arm over the back of the booth on top of Louis' shoulders. 

_This_ , he thinks, _maybe this is where I'm supposed to be_.

* * * * * 

Niall and Harry split from the rest of them somewhere around Chicago. Harry says they just need to be on their own for a while, away from monsters and hunters. They don't know if they'll go home or go away somewhere, but they have to go, and Liam, Louis, and Zayn are okay with that. They're mostly okay with that. It's kind of strange at first, being the three of them again – they'd all gotten so used to being the five of them. It was better when they were all together, and it made Liam feel more centered, more like this really was here he was supposed to be – with these four boys, fighting monsters.

“He changed a lot, you know,” Louis says over coffee and late night breakfast food one night. “Niall, I mean. I reckon that's why they went on their own. He used to be different. I imagine Harry's having a go of it trying to relearn him.” Louis doesn't offer more on how Niall's changed.

“It would change anyone,” Zayn says. “Being possessed like that. I'm surprised he's still standing.” He picks at his muffin. “Can you imagine being trapped inside your own body?”

“It's a wonder that any of us are standing.” Liam pushes his coffee cup to the edge of the table, hoping the waitress will get the idea. Sometimes he thinks about what it was like before – what he was like before. He wasn't like this. More than anything, he wonders what Zayn and Louis were like before. He didn't think about it as much when it was the five of them, but somehow he feels more off kilter now. Even Louis, warm and solid against him, poking at his side, can't ground him like it sometimes does.

He's heard bits and pieces of their stories. He knows Zayn was living with someone, a girl named Perrie whose name is still in his phone even now. Louis told him once that sometimes when they would be in Bradford, Zayn would stop by her block of flats and think about going in, just to let her know he was alive. He's never done it though, and Liam can't blame him. 

Liam doesn't know what Ava would think if she ever saw what he's become. He's sure she wouldn't like it – that she would tell him she wants the old Liam back, the one who didn't hunt the things of nightmares, the one who cared a little too much for the people around him and wasn't the smartest but tried nonetheless. 

Louis didn't have anyone, just his mum and his sisters. His sisters call him and leave messages sometimes. Louis texts them so they know that he's alive and to tell them he wishes he could come home. He can imagine Louis sitting around with his sisters, being the obnoxious big brother while at the same time taking care of them. Louis wants to take care of people; Liam can tell. Sometimes he wonders if that's why Louis doesn't go home. Does he worry what his sisters would think about what he's become? Or is it that he doesn't want to leave Liam and Zayn alone? Knowing Louis, it's probably a little bit of both.

“We should head out.” Louis throws some money down on the table and stands. “Especially if we want to make Salt Lake by morning.” There's been a rash of strange murders there that seem like their kind of thing. Weird, unexplained, no physical evidence – they're all a bit restless and even if it's nothing, just thinking about it keeps them occupied; it gives them a goal.

“I was getting more coffee.” Liam can feel his face turn to a pout, and for a moment he feels like the old Liam.

“Get it to go. You're not the one who has to drive all night,” Louis digs his finger into Liam's side. “We're going.”

“Alright, alright.” Liam asks for his coffee to go and then they leave the diner. It's going to be time to try and get some money soon enough. Maybe they can stay in Salt Lake long enough to take on some small jobs.

* * * * *

They do take small jobs once they get to Salt Lake. They kill the monster and don't hear anything about any other jobs, so they just stay. They need a break and they need to save up some money so they get jobs. It's nice. 

Liam finally feels settled. It's better when they're just like normal guys with normal jobs. Sure, they live off of fast food out of a hotel, but it could be a lot worse, and at least they're all here. Sort of, anyway. Liam notices Zayn scrolling through his phone sometimes and then locking the screen and putting it back in his pocket. If Liam were Zayn he'd be thinking about calling Perrie – maybe that's what Zayn is doing. Maybe there's a downside to feeling settled. 

It also makes a person think about everything they're missing out on. Liam gets it. Liam's starting to think about his family.

Zayn is asleep one night when Liam gets home from work. He's taken some construction work on while Louis tends bar and Zayn works at a local market. None of them plan on staying at the jobs for long, but it's nice to live normal lives for a few weeks at least.

Liam gets home just as Louis is getting ready to leave. It's comfortable and it's domestic, and it seems like such a novelty.

“How was your day?” Louis asks, buttoning up his shirt. Before Liam can answer he offers up, “We saved you some pizza. It might've been better with an oven, but we did just fine with the microwave.” Liam briefly wonders what it would be like if they'd met under normal circumstances.

Louis smiles. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing, just. It's nice, isn't it? Having something like a home? Never thought I'd feel this again,” Liam kicks off his shoes and lies back on the bed.

“Really? It always feels like home to me. A scary home, I suppose, but in the car with you and Zayn. It's nice.” Louis shrugs into his jacket. “I'm glad you are a bit slow.”

“Oh, shut it.” Liam throws a shoe, but Louis ducks out of it and laughs his way out the door. Liam's hasn't felt this light since Ava said yes.

* * * * *

When they finally leave Salt Lake they end up in California. There's no reason to go; they just get bored and feel like it's time to move on, and none of them have ever seen the Pacific. They get a hotel room on the beach and they decide to stay for a few weeks.

They're all sitting on the beach one night, not really talking about anything. Liam looks out onto the ocean and thinks he could stay here for a while, even though he knows that's not going to happen. He wonders idly what life would have been like with Ava, or if he'd met Louis in a different way. What if they'd met in a bar or at school or anything other than fighting monsters.

His thoughts are broken when Zayn finally speaks up and breaks silence. “I want to go home.”

“Hey, that's fine. We'll go home. Bet we could find some good hunting there now. Besides, I've had enough of America,” Louis says, smiling and tilting his head out at the ocean. 

“No,” Zayn lets out a heavy breath. “I just want to go home – no monsters, no hotels, just home. I don't think I can do this anymore.” Liam can't lie and say he's never thought about one of them leaving. It was only a matter of time with the way the job wears a person down. He just hadn't thought Zayn would be the first one to break. He thought it would be himself, if he's being honest. “I want to call Perrie, have a proper relationship and a house.”

Liam and Louis don't say anything, but Liam can tell that Louis' is thinking about fighting him on it. He gets this look on his face that says it all, and then it fades into a smile and Louis says, “Well then, go get her!” He pats Zayn on the back. “Home we go.”

* * * * *

The first thing they do is go back to Bradford. Zayn meets Perrie for coffee while Louis and Liam sit across the shop, just to make sure it goes well. Liam would be lying if he said he wasn't just as hopeful that it would go well as Zayn himself. He watches Louis with one eye. He's acting fine when Zayn's watching, but sometimes Liam will catch him with a sad look on his face. He's just not himself anymore, ever since Zayn said he was leaving.

Zayn nods at them as he leaves and then texts them each a promise to call and a wish of good luck when they get back on the road. They hop in the car together and Liam drives. Louis stares out the window for a while before he speaks. “I'm happy for him.” He looks at Liam. “It's just fast, you know. There was a time when I thought Zayn and me in this car was going to be a forever kind of thing. Not like – I'm not in love with him or anything,” Louis says, and Liam doesn't mention how he seems too quick to state that fact, when Liam never implied he thought Louis was. “You'll stay with me, right? Because I really don't want to do this by myself.”

“Maybe you don't have to do this at all. Maybe Zayn getting out is just the first step. You have your sisters. I have my family. We could go home.”

“Please, Liam.” Louis laughs. “It's nice thought, isn't it? But I don't think they'd welcome me back with open arms. I left them, just like you left your family. We could do this together – just the two of us. If you wanted.” 

The worst part is that part of him wants to say yes. If there's anyone he would do this forever with, it's Louis.

“This isn't how I thought my life would be,” Liam says. “I had plans. There's the aeroplane factory. Maybe I could still have a family someday. Not with Ava, but with someone. Zayn has Perrie, you know. We don't have to be alone.”

“I didn't think we were,” Louis says, like it's a challenge.

“You know what I mean.” He pauses before asking the next question. “Do you still believe what you said before?” Liam asks. “Do you really believe we're meant to do this forever?”

“I don't know. Yeah.” Louis nods. “I still think this is who we are. Look at yourself, Liam. Do you really think you could live some well-adjusted life? Work in a factory and have a wife and family? I saw you when you killed that monster. You were out of control.”

“Zayn's out,” Liam says. He thinks of Zayn, a few blocks away in a flat with Perrie. He wonders if they'll get married and have kids and if Zayn will have some normal job.

“Do you think he is? Do you really think that any one of us can lead a normal life after seeing the things we've seen?” There's a pause, and Louis is quiet, quieter than Liam's probably ever heard him. “I wanted a life, you know? I wanted a family, spouse, kids, normal job. Well, as normal as a job in drama can be. And then everything went horribly wrong. I respect that Zayn wants to try.”

“But.” Liam can feel the thickness in the air. He knows Louis has more to say.

“I just don't think you can after all this. We've seen so much death.” Louis looks up. “Never mind. I want chips. Let's go get chips.” Liam nods and turns the car around, towards a chips shop he saw down the road. After a long pause Louis speaks quietly. “You would've hated me before all this, you know. I was an obnoxious shit.” He grins. It's nice to see it, but Liam can tell that it's a lie – even just by looking. “I was a prat.”

“I would've liked to see that.” Liam smiles. “I mean, perhaps not if you were giving me a hard time.”

“I lost my mum.” Louis nods. “I lost her and everything went wrong. Do you ever just think _what if I'd handled that well? What if I'd dealt with it like a normal person?_ ”

“Is there a normal way to handle it? I watched them. I watched them kill her. I watched them leave her to die. How does a normal person handle that?”

“Not by learning to kill.” 

“But it's what we did,” Liam shrugs. “You and me and Zayn, Harry and Niall wherever they are, everyone we've worked with. It seems like it's as normal a reaction as anything else.” Liam sucks in a breath. “Maybe it's not the end, though. Maybe we can get out.”

“I'm not sure I want out,” Louis says. “I did. I used to. But I don't think I could do anything else.”

“You liked bartending.” 

“Did I?” He shrugs. “I guess. It made money. I don't know.”

Liam wants to argue; he saw the way Louis looked when he'd come home from the bar job every night. He had fun; he had stories about drunk people, and he had money to show for a hard day’s work that didn't involve cleaning blood out of his t-shirt. Liam doesn't argue though. He just lets it drop and parks the car.

* * * * *

They get a hotel, just the two of them, and no one has to fight over who sleeps in the floor. It's strange. The rest of the evening had been strangely silent and now that the lights are out and they're both lying in bed it stays that way, even though Liam can tell that Louis isn't sleeping yet either. It's a long time before Louis breaks the silence.

“Are you coming back out with me tomorrow? I'm thinking of staying in the UK this time. I'm sure we can find some jobs here.”

“Yeah,” Liam says. “Yes.” Because even though he wants out, Louis draws him back in every time, manages to convince him that there's no leaving. Even if there is, he can't imagine leaving Louis to do this on his own.

* * * * *

Liam and Louis work together for a couple of months before a job lands them in Wolverhampton. The job itself goes very well, but when they're checking into a hotel, Liam sees Ruth. She's across the street at the supermarket, and it looks like she's seen a ghost. She comes rushing over and wraps her arms around him. 

“Don't you ever do that again. Don't you disappear.”

Liam can't help but naturally wrap around her too and pull her close. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He can see Louis from the corner of his eye. Louis looks shifty, like he wants to run. Liam doesn't blame him. He kind of wants to run too.

 

“You're coming to dinner tomorrow night,” Ruth says. “I'm calling mum and telling her that I saw you, and you'd better be there.”

“I can't,” Liam says. “I have to leave in the morning. I have to.” He knows that he can't go to dinner. If he goes, if he sees his mum and his dad, then he won't want to leave, and he promised Louis that he'd stay. He can tell Ruth wants to argue. “I'll call you when I'm back, okay?” She looks momentarily appeased, at least. She hugs him. “I don't know who he is, but if he's your boyfriend, we'd understand.” She pulls back and smiles at Louis. “Take care of my brother.” She looks at Liam sadly and then goes. Liam wants to call her back, but he doesn't. It's a statement to how bad things are that she hadn't even tried to beg him. Maybe his family have given up.

They silently head up to their room and get into bed. It's becoming tradition for them that it's awkward and silent until the lights are off. Louis finally speaks. “We can stay. For your dinner tomorrow night. I can tell you wanted to say yes.”

“If I go, I won't want to leave.” Liam turns onto his side, facing Louis' bed. “I promised you.”

“Maybe it's okay to break a promise to me, if it's best for you.” He sees Louis shift away from him, can make out the curve of his back against the dark of the room. “I'm fine on my own.”

Liam isn't sure he is, but he misses his family.

Liam goes to dinner the next night, and Louis doesn't even wait for Liam to tell him that he's going to stay. He leaves while Liam's at his parents house and texts him a quick _see you around xxx_. Liam doesn't know if the sinking feeling in his stomach is because he's finally home or because home feels further away than ever.

* * * * *

Liam gets a job and an apartment, and he even lets Ruth set him up on dates sometimes. He doesn't ever really like any of the people, always manages to find something wrong with them, but he still lets her. It makes her feel better, and it makes him feel like he's getting back to normal. He gets to go home at night and have dinner by himself, and there's no monsters waiting to be killed, no victims waiting to be saved. It's just him and a quiet life.

He talks to Zayn a lot, and even Niall and Harry have come to visit. The only person he hasn't heard from is Louis. He texted a few times, and he'd even tried to call. At first he'd been angry that Louis had just _left_. He knew, realistically, that he was going to want this, but he also hadn't just wanted to Louis to leave without a goodbye or anything – at least not in the form of a text message.

Harry told him once that Louis was okay. That's all he would offer up though, and something about not knowing where Louis is or what he's doing makes Liam's stomach flop around and want to jump out of his throat. He misses Louis. He worries about Louis.

It's late, and Liam is getting ready for the bed when he hears a banging on the door. There's a sort of gut reaction to fight, but then he remembers that he's safe here. There's nothing after him. He goes to the door and Louis is standing there. His nose is bleeding, and his holding his arm. There's a scratch on his chest. Liam's heart stops. Louis looks horrible. Next to all of the fresh wounds, there are scars that he doesn't remember and a lot of fading bruises. “Louis.”

“I didn't have anywhere else to – can I come in?”

Liam pulls him inside and leads him over to the sofa, helping him sit. He goes to get a first aid kit and starts cleaning out the cuts on Louis' face. “What happened to you?”

“What's it look like?” Louis hums. “Fell down the stairs? Got mugged? Possibly a vampire, I guess. It was something.” Louis shrugs. “It's probably not good that I can't remember what I was fighting.”

“No, probably not. You should go to the --”

“No. No hospital.” He shakes his head. “We never did when we were traveling together. We don't need it now.” He looks sure, and Liam remembers how stubborn he can be, so Liam doesn't argue. “I came to you.”

“Alright,” Liam nods. He doesn't ask anything else, just busies himself bandaging up the wounds. “Stay here tonight, alright? You can take the bed.”

“Can we just share?” He looks down and then grins at Liam. “Old time sake and all. Promise not to kick in my sleep.”

It's exactly like old times because Liam can't bring himself to argue. He helps Louis to the bed and crawls in beside him. He tries not to be glad, but he can't help it – Louis came to him, and it's not until he's pressed close against Louis' warm body that he realizes how much he missed him.

* * * * *

It's a few days later, and Louis has eaten everything in Liam's house. He wants to be angry, but it's nice having him here. It's more than nice, and Liam can't help but think that he doesn't want Louis to leave again. Louis is busying himself sitting on the counter and kicks his legs while Liam cooks them a quick dinner and makes them tea. 

Liam doesn't know what makes him say it, but he knows if he doesn't just let it come out now Louis will leave again and he may lose him forever. “Don't leave tomorrow,” he says, handing Louis his tea.

“What?” Louis sits the cup down. “Liam, you know there's a job in Bi--”

“Someone else can do it.” Liam stands in front of him. “Don't go. I have a nice life here. I see my parents on the weekend, and I have a job. I buy groceries and cook dinner, and I don't hunt monsters. I don't come home bleeding and broken. I just live my life.” He looks down. “It'd be a lot easier if you were here though. I just want you here.”

“Oh, Liam. You are _so_ in love with me.” Louis grins, and then it turns softer. “I'm not meant for a life like this. I made my choice years ago. I'm a hunter.”

“Why can't you be a former hunter? I am. Zayn is. Can't we try?” Liam steps between Louis' legs. “Just give me six months. If it's terrible, you can go. Six months.”

“Six months, huh?” Louis rests a hand on Liam's shoulder. “And if I get bored and restless I can go?”

“If you get bored and restless you can go.” Liam wraps his arms around Louis' waist and presses closer to his body. “You don't have to be bleeding to see me.”

“Six months,” Louis repeats. He ducks in and catches Liam's mouth with his, just a light press of lips. It's everything that Liam hadn't realized that he wanted until Louis wasn't there every day. “Six months, Payne. That's all you get.” Liam kisses him again, pressing full against him and dragging a thumb over the back of his neck. He tugs lightly on Louis' bottom lip. Louis hums. “Okay, maybe I can give you a year, if you play your cards right.” 

Liam laughs and then kisses him again. “You know what this means?”

“What does this mean?”

“You have to meet my parents.”

“I'd rather go fight a vampire,” Louis makes a face. Liam pulls back and turns back to dinner, ignoring Louis' protests. Later, he'll try and talk Louis into finding his sisters and getting a job. For now, Liam can't help but think that this is exactly where he's supposed to be.


End file.
